My silence

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten on my blog to post anything. Everything and nothing has changed since then. I’ve gotten married to a military man, I’ve lost some friendships I’d never think of losing, I’ve seen people come and go, and before getting married- I went on a lot of dates. I stayed with someone for a long time, but never gave him a glimpse of my destructive side until I let him have it completely – it was disgusting, yes, but it was also a release for me.

I didn’t meet anyone (right away) that changed my life for better or for worse. There was just a line up of guys that wanted to date me or fuck me, and that’s really not what I wanted.

I wanted for someone to take me into their arms and hold me close and never let go… So naïve.

I wanted to be pampered and be taken care of and told that everything would turn out for the best. I wanted to be heard and obeyed and I wanted respect for my thoughts and body… So naïve.

 

On Being Single

Being single is hard AS FUCK.

You get off of a long-term relationship and you don’t know where to start, you don’t know who to trust, you don’t know how to meet new guys.

So you do the normal: join a dating website, go to bars, hangout with friends, etc.

And you meet people, wonderful people who remind you what beauty is, how to smile, how to laugh, how to have fun with someone other than your ex. You may meet someone who completely blows you away and sweeps you off your feet with kindness, brains, looks, love and attention and then you realize that this is what feels like when you like someone, not the bitter taste that was left in your mouth after the breakup, not the horrible sickening twisted feeling at

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the bottom of your stomach that you have learned to anticipate when someone is trying to make a move on you (and you were taken, that is), except you don’t know what to do…

Do you welcome the advance?

Do you tell them to fuck off?

Is there a right answer?

And when you start hanging out and they slowly start breaking your heart, because you know that in today’s society, nothing is long-term, everything is disposable.

And it kills you ever so slowly.

Let them GRADUATE!

I have seen a trend lately of professors at my university urging students NOT to graduate… What is that all about?!

Seriously!

Okay, you have gone through your X amount of years required to complete your degree and you know you are ready to graduate this year/semester, so you go tell your advisor/mentor/supervisor that you are getting ready to graduate, and they surprise you by telling you to NOT graduate this year/semester.

There are many reasons for said opinion. One of which is basically SELFISHNESS. Sheer, simple selfishness.

It is not uncommon for a certain professor to have many students at a time mentoring, and being human beings, they are going to admit they don’t like a certain student under their tutelage. Why? It may be something simple like, “I don’t like the way they organize their research paper” or something more complex such as “he’s too mexican”, “she’s too unorganized”, “I don’t like her voice” etc etc etc…

Not once do they stop and think that these students have plans for their futures already. They have vacations planned, jobs lined up, Netflix binges to accomplish… But in all seriousness folks… What is it with these professors nowadays wanting to tweak the system by allowing students to enroll in “one more” semester of thesis or “one more” semester of private voice lessons or “one more” semester of master’s recital…

It is not fair and they need to realize this.

You have taught them how to fish now LET them fish!

When it’s about us…

I’ve been seeing a trend lately in which people on my social media accounts, share their extreme views on the Ferguson shooting, homophobia attacks, Gaza bombings, and everything else that is controversial.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Except when something that involves them hits a nerve and suddenly their ideas are the exact opposite… Because it is now about them.

Rant #2: On Engineers… And dating one

Let’s talk about engineers and widely known characteristics (and some other not so obvious) on this type of person.

1. They are very smart fellows who are extremely different from the other type of “smart” people out there.

2. They are extremely logical and rational.

3. They lack all social skills needed to succeed in life/love/workforce/friendship/family/etc.

4. They believe that criticism is nothing short of disapproval/lack of knowledge/stupidity/etc.. Honestly, in the end, they’ll believe that it was a mistake to ask for an opinion or that listening to said criticism was an utter waste of time – regardless of the intentions!!

5. They believe that the industry is out to get them on every single possible mistake, be it grades/lab work/rapport/work/homework/tests/you name it…

6. They will never accept criticism unless it is supported by legitimate, official evidence on the subject; whether the person giving the criticism possesses a high degree of knowledge/specialization/education/experience/direct contact/originator, has absolutely no say in how qualified the person is to give said criticism if, again, they do not possess legitimate, official evidence to support their argument.

7. They obsess about a subject and will learn everything there is to learn about the subject. They will also definitely ask you what you know…. Mostly to tell you how wrong you are… Or correct you… It’s the same to them.

8. Not knowing the answer to one of their questions will determine future interactions.

9. Besides their specialization, they generally have one other hobby/pastime they are completely passionate about.. Or two.. Or three..

10. The first way they are taught to do one thing is the way that they’ll do it for the rest of their lives… Or until another highly qualified personnel indicates so.

11. Their regard for their professors comes in two forms: udder god-like reverence to them, or complete disregard for their person.

If you are in a relationship with them:

1. You will never be able to live down not being “fluent” in math/science.

2. Every purchase you make or are planning to make, must have a good amount of research hours behind the product, must have a direct benefit, must be cost efficient, must be made of good material, and must be practical.

3. Every plans for going out must… See number 2.

4. Every single math/science problem will be explained in the most complicated way, no matter how hard they try, and at the end, they will say one sentence that will practically solve the problem.

5. Most physical contact will have an explanation based on laws of physics, thermodynamics and will have zero to do with how you feel about it.

6. Most social interactions will seem deliberate, but will in fact have absolutely no double meaning unless directly stated.

7. You will never understand how homework can take more than 5hr at a time.

8. You will never understand the level of concentration needed to solve a specific problem.

9. You will never understand how they can try to fix everything.

10. You will never understand their deep shame in having a gf/bf and being engineering students.

11. You will practically never understand their thought processes.

12. You will never understand their ideas on what “giving advice” means.

13. They give a whole new meaning to “college poor”.

14. You will never understand their dedication for something they say hate, but clearly love.

15. You will never understand their obsession on finding the “right” way to do stuff.

16. You will never understand their hobbies.

17. You will never understand their ignorance on life matters.

18. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change them.

19. You may never know exactly what they do at work.

Do yourself a favor and buy that damn plane ticket already.

As an aspiring traveler finishing college.. I found everything on this list really hit”close to home”!!

infinite satori

“Travel is never a matter of money but of courage.  I spent a large part of my youth traveling the world as a hippie. And what money did I have then? None. I barely had enough to pay for my fare. But I still consider those to have been the best years of my youth.The great lessons I learned has been precisely those that my journeys had taught me.”

-Paulo Coelho

I know you. You look through countless of travel blogs, browse through the travel section of the bookstore, read Lonely Planet guidebooks, and National Geographic magazines. You’re in love with city maps, atlases, and globes. You get shivers down your spine when you run your fingers down the tiny blood veins on a map as if it was breathing and coming alive. And it says to you, “Buy a god damn ticket and explore me.” But you don’t, because you…

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Financial Aid Office at UTEP

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I am currently in line to clarify some things about my financial aid account at UTEP.
I know I’m going to be here for an hour minimum, which is fine, as long as I get everything squared away or become more informed to avoid coming down here for my last semester at UTEP.
You see, UTEP likes to play jokes on students. You get a mice financial aid award, with promising numbers – Pell Grants, Texas Grants, Loans, it’s all there. And then you check again a week later and notice everything has shrunk. Literally. By thousands of dollars to precise. And so you now you gotta come down here in person because you know you’re not gonna receive any information over the phone and the email address on the UTEP website goes unanswered for weeks at a time.
I MEAN COME ON!
The office of financial aid alone hires on average 4-5 student assistants who answer the phone, respond to this useless email, and try and help you out the most they can so that you don’t have to come down here and spend their precious funds on stupid questions such as “why did you take away part of my financial aid???” And so that you don’t have to hear the truth: “ummm.. I’m not sure. Let me check…”
Seriously??

Get your shit together!

Rant No. 1: On the young singers

I am bitter. I am bitter about the world and everything that has to do with singing. It’s funny because I grew up in a Christian family, and they knew that my only wish was to sing.. To sing sing sing… Yet, I never received voice lessons of any kind.

Sure, I am bitter because my parents didn’t know where to look for help (for me), but also because I see so many young singers, who come from a well-off family, enrolled in weekly voice lessons, yet don’t seem to appreciate how well they have it. I’m serious! They have no idea what it was like ten years ago,  when all you could do was listen to recordings, not even on youtube.com  yet, but actually cassettes, and if you were wealthy, CDs.

That was the case until I got to high school and was introduced to the concept of the Texas All-State Choir Competition. I fell in love quick and hard, but was not satiated with that competition (which by the way, I never won and only participated in for three years). It’s kind of weird to look back at this.

Anyway…

Young singers these days. They get on my nerves:

  • The good ones: They take their talent for granted and never practice.
  • The ones that have talent: Are too afraid to be heard
  • …or too impatient with their slower-developing voices.
  • …or are too scared the big dogs will have them for breakfast.
  • The bad ones: Think they are good. SImply because they are wrongly encouraged to continue singing in their bad technique. I mean, seriously! It is STUPID to think that everyone is cut out to be a professional singer.
  • Some should accept that their chosen genre of singing is just not for them.
  • Some were indeed made to teach: they understand vocal technique to the tee, they have a great ear for wrong vocal technique…and know how to fix their problem, these people also have great voices, but may be not quite the “stage quality” voice everyone looks for.
  • Some were meant to be amazing…yet they choose to teach: I am sure these category have specific reasons as to why they have chosen to stay at home, make dinner, go to school the next they and repeat.. while having some of the most incredible voice you can think of. Sure, some do it because they realize how scarce work is for the professional singer, others want to start a family and stick to that, others want to play it safe and continue developing their technique, etc etc… These are all acceptable answers, yet it bothers me a little that they try at least, or during their vacations times to do anything…
  • Some (like me) are stuck in a world of fantasy: there is a small group of singers which are not hard to recognize,, the people in this category are reserved, they tend to be masters in their level (whichever that may be) of singing, they look like they have an eternal bitchface, and yes, they are probably the best singers… yet, they live in a world of fantasy in their minds. They want to do anything and everything they can, however absurd that may sound. They are incredible musicians, they are fantastic voices, and they don’t know what they want to do… yet. GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE…. including myself. HA!

 

So, that is a few of the young singers that bother me in some way, myself included. I know there is probably..and absolutely nothing wrong with being in any of these categories, but I don’t know, I just wish there was a formula for being amazing, talented, had a straight-forward dream, and long-term, attainable goals that were not too hard to get. But alas, it is not so for anyone…. and no. I don’t hate just anyone, but I do find fault in most of the younger singers today, not because I’m perfect or anything of the sorts, but because I can see their wasted potential, their lack of musicianship, their lack of musicality, their aggressiveness, their passiveness, you name it! It’s all fixable, yet we are all broken, and do not wish to be fixed.

 

Whatever.

 

Introduction

My name is Emperatris (Ehm-peh-rah-trees) Cabrera. I am a singer, an opera singer – that is, who wishes to travel, see the world, sing opera, and start a family… Is that too too much to ask?

I am in my last semester of my bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas at El Paso. Speaking of UTEP, if you compare their voice program to any other university in the country, it might seem like a hole in the wall, but it really isn’t… It is actually home to some wonderful professors who take the time to look at every single person’s individual needs and tries to make them feel as welcome and help them out as much as possible… more on that later.

This is officially my first blog posting, but I must warn you to beware of many rants, reviews, more rants…